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Recently updated stories
#143
Galatica Morella was about to take a journey, carefully she stepped as the cliff-face is about to give in to the town of Meade. The train tootle off, the rails were brass. Galatica is about to leave when she came across a top hat. "A fine dandy lady"
#142
Once upon a time, long, long time ago, there lived a space boy. His name was Freddy. Freddy Chesterton and he looked weary. His opinions and likes were split just as his house was and his mother was like all the mothers of us, just a bit more dreary.
#141
THX that's a great awensr!
#140
It was seven a.m. on a Friday morning when the Lucky Leprechaun Salon opened their doors and their first customer walked in. Her name was Poco Loco she was ready for a new 'do.
#139
Bonjour tout le monde! Je veux dire...
#138
I woke up late morning
#137
Keep it family friendly Vhenlar
#136
It was a supposedly good day in Konoha until...
#75
I got into a scuffle with some miscreants one night in Edinburgh. It started when one of them said something in passing, something like "I wouldn't even ask that guy for a LIGHT." I turned around and said "I got it if you need it." Oops, wrong move. | "AARGH!" the burly hobo bellowed in fury, "that was a rhetorical scenario. Clearly I am already taken care of in that department." He began brandishing his lit cigar in my face. | Which, being the good orthodox Freudian that I am, I took to be an invitation to fellate the frumpy fellow, which I accepted with alacrity.
#134
In Persia, the sages tell a tale of a young fish who embarks on a journey across the sea. | The fish's name was Bernice and she was the color of the sea. The other brightly colored fish in her pod would laugh at her (when they could see here) and call her Blue Bernice, or Bernice the Plain.
#74
Twenty five years the Archons had plagued Earth. Millions slain before their time; millions more living in refugee camps. All Archons brought destruction, but it was clear their actions brought them deep pain. | But one young Archon, Archie, was different. He couldn't bear the sight of humans in pain. When he tried to kill, he saw the terror in a person's eyes and wasn't able to. | Archie, you see, was a homosexual.
#132
I climbed up onto the hulking mass and stuck it in. | The spear went in up to the end where I held it but probably did little damage after all stab wounds do little damage to goop monsters. I shudder to think what detritus goppled by the goop it was that my spear struck at its center. | "Well, excuse me!" the mass of jello exclaimed. "Where are your manners?" | "Well excuse me, amorphous blob!" I retorted.
#77
His breath made no effort to hide the temperature of this particularly frigid night. Had he not taken the appropriate precaution of sporting his sheepskin-lined hunt gloves, the consequences for his digits may have been bleak. | As he tredged through the snow each step became more difficult and his strides shorter. He regretted agreeing to this experiment. Attempting to walk straight legged he tried to keep his bare skin from brushing against his now frozen pant legs. | He had to piss. He had a few options: pissing on himself would provide some warmth but it wouldn't last long; he could try to hold it, but the hut was still miles away; but he dreaded what might happen if he exposed his member to the frigid air. | In this frozen landscape, one always chooses warmth, even if it's fleeting. Andres let his bladder go and felt his thighs throb with the unfamiliar sensation. Suddenly, he had a boner. Now this was a problem.
#65
There is a story told in rural Mexico that the livestock which are sometimes found dead in the fields are killed by the goat-sucker, El Chupacabra. This is not the case. It is actually aliens. | "I don't know what they've been sayin' about these goat shortages," Grawnish exclaimed, "there's plenty of goats right here!" "We'll make a killing with these!" | Johnny guffawed then replied: "Well howdy-haw, Grawnish, if that ain't as pert uh piece uh goat herd as ah ever did see."
#133
I looked back over my shoulder still hearing footsteps behind me I kicked over a paint bucket someone had shit in and I was at the end of the hallway then so I flew down the stairs fast as I could. I landed hard on the side of my foot, heard it pop.
#39
"Long live the Queen!" Sir Lancelot tried in vain to get the crowd going. | All of his vassals looked bored. They shifted their weight and occasionally whispered to their neighbors, masking their conversation with the feathers protruding from their helmets. | Lancelot knew the Queen was unpopular, having divorced the King to have Lancelot's baby, but he loved his baby-mama, so he gave it another try: | "Long live the Queen!" he shouted as his baby-mama came out of the confines of her bedroom. "Lancelot, just give it up," she said "They hate me and there's nothing you can do to change their minds."
#131
When the sheep had gathered in the place between the forest and the river the shepherd who had waited there for them sighted a mast about two miles off as a bird flies. More if measured along the tangled river. | Knowing they had come for him caused a surge of gratitude to wash over him, followed by the familiar deep pain of longing.
#72
There was once a beautiful young maiden named Eunice, who decided that inside the brick walls of Box Hole lay a world too small for her, so she went out into the world of MacRobs to seek her fortune. | And therein, she found a world amusing, a world fantastic, down a gigantic hole in the center of a field. | Another girl named Alice was already in the hole, and had made a real mess of things down there. | It was filled with dildos and other such objects! | Luckily Eunice knew just what to do with those. By lunchtime, everything was straightened away in its own curio cabinet. "That's better!" said Eunice, as she sat down to admire her collections.
#66
Sitting in Biology class, Mike was bored out of his mind when he | started to imagine what it would like to be Billy. | Billy Bobbins, the one everyone talked about in the school cafeteria. William Bobbins. Or, "The Decapitator" as the police had dubbed him. Yes, Mike could imagine himself hiding in an alley, just like old Billy, and | splashing adventurously through the oozing dumpsters for unfinished chocolate eclairs or unsmoked cigarettes. Then all of a sudden the truck turned the corner and backed into the alley, carrying inside a shipment of | Mets players' bobble head dolls. Mike, or Billy, could feel his fingers twitching in anticipation. As the truck slowed, Billy crept into the cargo space through the back. Now he was alone with his bounty.
#42
Fennington had been walking for quite some time, thinking absentmindedly about the last few years of his solitary travels, when he stepped on something peculiar in the thin white sand. | "Ouch," cried Fennington. "Ouch," replied the small spiky creature, who didn't appreciate being squished during his afternoon nap. | "What the... you can talk?" asked Fennington. "Of course, I can talk, you hairless monkey! Think you're so evolved, so intelligent. Why, my race was building ships and sailing the stars before you even came down out of the trees!" | "Then why is it I find you underneath my foot? Oh small spiky one?" Fennington asked. "There is reason and rhyme in all that we do, and in all that happens." Oh-Small-Spiky-One said. | "No. There isn't." Just after Fennington spoke these words he began to stumble. He stepped again on the spike ball, receiving another dose of neurotoxin. He lurched away, then fell on the spike ball, crushing it into a premature death.
#63
He avoided the pools of light shining down from the streetlights. A sudden movement captured his attention. It had come from a narrow alleyway ahead and to his right. | and them he found five dollars | hidden in the fleshy, gelatinous confines of a woman's cleavage, along with the promise of pleasure. The woman and the man became cougar and prey, leaping from shadow to shadow in a bizarre animalistic dance. | Though she was old and stringy, her soul was young, and her flesh was willing. In these dark days, he'd take what he could get. And in this case, the taking wasn't all bad. | He took the five dollars and fucked the granny. Her heart gave out in the throes of passion but he hadn't cum yet so he kept thrusting. When he finished he also took her pearl necklace and purse. The taking wasn't bad at all.
#69
"How could you!" Laura bellowed. "I trusted you, and you told the entire school!" Mary hung her head contritely. She lacked the words to describe the events of the previous two days. | Pregnant at 17, Laura didn't know what to do. Confused, frustrated and, now, betrayed. "Laura, I swear, I was only trying to help. Paul needs to know; you should have told him he's the father!" Mary argued. "But Mary, he's not the father..." | he pleaded desperately, "he's the mother!" | Laura whips out her dick and begins slapping her mother, | sending cascading magic fun orbs of white, milky, biological terror flying in every direction, falling upon Mary like a B-52 bomber on a small Indonesian town, wreaking liquid havoc on all who try to stop it. | Everyone gets AIDS and dies.
#71
The sand slithered between the stubby chubby baby toes. | Feeling the warm, grainy pleasure, the toes wiggled, and the baby giggled, a carefree burst of sound heard only by itself. | Then suddenly, silence. Waves and sun, nothing else. Suddenly | an eely egret with beak bursting full of deep-sea delights dropped a dollop of jellyfish just beyond the baby's reach. | The jellyfish jiggled in the wind like the baby's mother's teat. It turned slowly onto its belly and cooed. It opened and closed its mouth repeatedly, smacking at the saliva oozing into its eager, expectant mouth.
#130
I said, I'm bluffing with my muffin. Like hell you are, the tall man with the scar replied. | I started to turn away but felt a pit open in my stomach as I imagined him watching me walk off. I didn't want that. I didn't think he would even let me go. | Then the angel Grommet came over from Gabon and said, This woman is the mother of my child or will be in twelve months and I demand that you descend unto thine knees before her for when the child comes no one without humility could ever be spared. | Twelve months? So this bitch ain't pregnant yet? Then how can you be so sure, Grommet? | And thus spake Grommet: as goes the goose, so goes the gosling. It shall suck from her all its mothers milk before it is birthed, and it shall leave the womb that nursed it a dessicated husk.
#73
There was a girl named Samantha. | She bought a new panther. And pollinated it with an anther, who wrote about it in a stanza. | They had a bonanza. She wore a dress made of organza. | She sipped a can of Fanta, and glanced at a framed portrait of Santa. | The Fanta and her allergies to the pollen from the anther made Samantha pant, uh, because she had asthmatic allergic responses and because she was out of shape. So she took out her steroid inhaler and then started itching for a hot guy to nail her.
#62
something terrible happens to a man | who forgets that you can't drink peanut butter. His whole life dissolves into a series of sticky, choking lurches.
#78
It was a dark and stormy night. | Bulwer-Lytton and his chums were all drunk, and the other pontificates were nowhere to be found. | Knowing full well what this meant, Bulwer-Lytton rose unsteadily to his feet and gave the rallying cry: | "I shall find the rest or you shall kill me unmercifully!" | He charged out of the pub, into the wind-ravaged street. The rain pelted him as he looked wildly around for the traitor, but he had the creeping suspicion that his drunken escapades left him sorely ill-timed. The Viscountess would be disappointed.
#81
It's a rainy day and I'm feeling blue. | What I'd kill to have chicken soup right now. | But there's none in the house and I can't go outside. | Once again my allergy to water proves difficult. It wasn't always this way, though. There was a time where I could swim with the rest of the kids in the neighborhood and play in puddles, too. But one day | a alien life form infected me. I can still remember that day, that dark dark dark dark dark dark dark dark day. It was very sunny and i was about to
#50
Langley was known for his chocolate chip cookies. The residents of Bookerville all whispered about the "secret recipe" he claimed he had rescued from | the lost city of Atlantis. Langley was also rumored to have acquired large quantities of canned tuna in some sort of shady deal gone bad some years back. Whatever the truth was, it could not be denied that the cookies had a strange power of those | tunas. The odor was the same, anyway. People around Bookerville just could not get enough of those cookies. "Langley, share the secret with us! For we also wish to make chocolate chip cookies that taste of tuna!" Langely simply smiled, and said " | no, you greedy bastards, retrieve your own fishy delights." The neighborhood searched far and wide, finally coming upon a box of Dixie Drumsticks in a biscuit. Mistaking them for fish biscuits, they | devoured them. Then they all keeled over in an acute case of Dixie Drumstick poisoning. Nothing could be done. However,
#67
In ancient China, Confucius say | , "Earry to bread, earry to rise!". For Tom-Tom-Lee, however, this was not the case. | Tom-Tom-Lee suffered endless nights awake, unable to sleep since birth. | His insomnia, paradoxically, also provided him with his life's only pleasure. | For Tom-Tom-Lee loved to hallucinate. He would spend hours gazing at his insomnia-induced visions: swirls of color, talking animals, and
#82
Dovrebbe capire che il passato è passato e invece... | continua a ripescare quei vecchi album impolverati, pieni di fotografie che a malapena ricorda di aver fatto. | Forse non sono io,pensò. O forse non lo sono più. | E se non lo fossi mai stato? Il dubbio è una brutta bestia che ti coglie quando meno te lo aspetti. A tutto però c'è una soluzione: | un bicchiere di buon vecchio Jack.
#80
Oggi è una giornata pessima - pensava lui mentre correva a prendere l'aereo. Se solo... | mi fossi fatto una doccia non avrei paura a sedermi accanto alla prima gnocchetta che vola in business. Ma daltronde. | alla gnocca non si può dire di no. quindi armatoo di dopo barca da aroma DUTYFREE unito all'aroma delle pizza di Spizzico raggiungo il mio posto...e.... beh si la gnocca c'era...una vecchia rugosa di 89 anni uguale agli gnocchi che faceva mia nonna | per fortuna che mi piace l'assistente di volo..ci proverò con lu! | per fortuna che mi piace l'assistente di volo..ci proverò con lu! | al che mi ricordai di essere a dieta..vada per un'insalata.
#64
"One step, two step, up the wooden hill," | The ants decided not to stop until till they reached the sill. | The leader of the ant line came to the head of a rusty screw in the wall, stopped, and turned to face the impatient followers. | "Be ready, my friends. For beyond this nail lies the salvation of our hive. The Queen demands from us only one thing -- success. So set aside your petty fears! Today we can break the hundred hour curse. Let us go forth and retrieve the | golden egg from the mole's castle!" This rallying cry usually motivated the herds of ants, who labored from day until night to please the Queen. However, the golden egg had been invoked one times too many.
#53
In the glass castle was a girl forever in suspended animation.Unless woken all those who found themselves in her world turned to glass.Those who tried to wake her had to climb the spiral stairs.Climbing the stairs meant horror most killed themselves. | Jorgon was the exception. He had tried to kill himself, but failed. He was now mostly lobotomized. Horror meant nothing to him. He was the man for the job, and he was determined to complete it, even if he didn't know what it was. | Unfortunately, he became distracted by a firefly and spent the rest of the afternoon chasing it. Running straight into a glass door and knocking himself out, millions of YouTube viewers laughed, watching him on the uploaded surveillance video. | And then they all turned to glass because the girl had not been woken. "Who's laughing now?" Jorgon cried. No response came, for glass cannot speak. But it can break, and Jorgon just happened to have a baseball bat with him. So he | smashed the glass heroically. "BONK!" he cried as glass shattered. The princess got up and ran towards Jorgon who held out his arms towards her. As they began to embrace each other Jorgon felt the knife slip into his ribs. “I was never on your side”
#61
The woman was middle-aged and dowdy, but she slept in silk sheets. She had one pet, a black and white mouse with kind, vulnerable eyes. She carried the red box of pet food over to his cage, and that's when she realised he was dead. | She immediately realized she could sell the red box of mouse food for a tidy profit. | It was a practically full box of VerminYumz, after all. Were she to glue the perforated flap closed carefully, nobody would be able to tell it had been open. She looked once last time at her tiny friend, then laughed nervously. | "My poor little mousy, we've been one soul for so long...and now...", then she grabbed the silver spoon and | impulsively shoveled some of the pet food into her mouth. Closing the box carefully again, she crunched on the dry hard bits. The carcass was still there when she locked the front door. Time to make a killing.
#31
The day her mother died, Mary's driver's license expired. | But these were only the beginning of her troubles. On the way to the funeral, Mary got pulled over. The woman exiting the cruiser looked quite familiar to Mary, except for the blank stare in her eyes, and the way she kept chanting "Brains! Brains!" | The cop made eye contact. "You got any?" Mary said, "Yes, ma'am, a pair, right here." "Show me." Mary got out of the car and started to dance. Twirling around, her head stretched as usual and her brains peered out. "Okay," the cop said. | "Got a registration for those?" "Sure do," said Mary, opening her glovebox. "Sorry," said the cop, "It's just we get these no-brainers out here sometimes, trying to dig up fresh graves so they can bootleg some gray matter. Standard precaution." | Thirty seconds later the cop was peering down the barrel of a flamethrower. Mary peered out in a glassy haze of greed. Glancing in the back seat, the cop saw an empty packet of FakeBrain. 'Ah, he thought, my favorite kind.' He raised his weapon.
#56
The smell of dew permeated my nostrils. This is not my bed. I sleep on a spring mattress in a run-down apartment in Chicago, not a bed of grass. The blades tickled my face and hair. I rolled onto my back, dazed and confused. Dark clouds brooded above | It wasn't my fault. It couldn't be. I had taken precautions and I knew better than to put myself into stupid situations. And yet here I was in a field in New England without my wallet or car keys. | I tried to remember what happened last night, but as I dug through the depths of my mind, all I could find was a foggy haze. I looked around for anything that could jog my memory. And there he was, lying in the grass a few yards away from me. | He was bloated and covered in blood, but through the fog covering my memory, I knew that we had shared something special last night. | A chance glance over my shoulder revealed the carcass, its eyes reprimanding in a glassy haze of death and agony. The deep bite-like gouges explained the blood that warmed my chin. I would not be getting drunk again soon - i had a terrible hangover.
#28
The sunlight cast a sullen, orange glow over the slimy, cast-iron gates that guarded the entrance to the cemetery. A peculiar man, topped with a frayed bowler hat stepped among the withered leaves dancing in the chill November breeze. | As he slipped among the pitted gravestones, he trailed his fingers across their tops as if they were his old friends. As he did so, he hummed a sad little tune, the words to which had been long-forgotten by all but the oldest of madmen. | He seemed to be searching amongst the stones for a particular name. Soon he paused, mid hum, and fell to his knees. "Alas!" he exclaimed. But his voice echoed in the sun-dappled field. | Strange, he thought, to hear an echo in a wide-open field. No... not an echo. They were mocking him again. He stood, turned in a circle, shouting | obscenities at the ravens whose derisive cawing had followed him ever since Marianne breathed her last in his arms. From the corner of his eye, he saw something black streak skywards, accompanied by the dull rustling of wings.
#57
The smell of dew permeated my nostrils. This is not my bed. I sleep on a spring mattress in a run-down apartment in Chicago, not a bed of grass. The blades tickled my face and hair. I rolled onto my back, dazed and confused. Dark clouds brooded above | at their recent loss at the races. They had meant to spend that money on an engagement ring, but now they were caught in an Underbelly-style plot to overthrow the cashiers and get the money that they, as members of the working class, truly deserved. | Neither my parents nor my sexy fat dogs could do anything. | My sexy skinny dogs, on the other hand, were immensely helpful. With a snap of my fingers they formed a human pyramid -- amazing, considering their canine nature. From my pants pocket I removed a second pair of pants, and from the pocket of those I | removed the little finger of Tom Thumb. I chuckled heartily as my skinniest dog licked it's lips in anticipation. The only-fairy-tale-small-people fad diet was working.
#59
Top 5 Reasons Bear-Sharks are awesome Number 5: They are part bear, part shark and ALL AWESOME. | Number 4: They are my one reason to continue sailing these treacherous seas. Call me Ishmael. | Number 3: They will kill you without hesitation or remorse. | Number 1: They are better at counting. | Number 2: Their initials are B. S.
#55
Disney World was not the place for a balding, overweight man in his mid-thirties with a handful of leaflets on the Reformed Church of the Holy Shark, and, clearly, the approaching guards had the same feeling. This was going to end poorly. | One of the more experienced guards, slightly chubby himself, stepped forward to confront the heavy-set man. "Sir, we're going to have to ask you to come with us. You are bothering the other visitors and scaring the children." | "Aw hell no!", waddled the man, crushing everything in his path as he steamrolled in the other direction, jiggling like the gelatinous mass that he was. Suddenly, he stopped. "What's this?", he asked to himself, leaning down, looking upon the | severed arm of a fellow patron. The arm clung posthumously to a glazed abortion of a donut; it was Krispy Kreme. Ignoring the sole vivacious, fleshy arm that remained in the Escher-esque ground, he guzzled the Krispy Kreme, and the microbes advanced. | He thought to himself, in aimless conjecture; maybe i should open up a Krispy Kreme! All i would need is a couple of arms a day. I'll always take up the offers of those who desire to "lend a hand". | Slowly, carefully, he swallowed, savoring each sweltering saliva sorbet of the sugary salutatory to his stomach. After this succession of savory secessions, he satisfactorily snogged the still spigot of Sprite subsequent to his eating of donuts. S.
#51
"How could you!" Laura bellowed. "I trusted you, and you told the entire school!" Mary hung her head contritely. She lacked the words to describe the events of the previous two days. | Pregnant at 17, Laura didn't know what to do. Confused, frustrated and, now, betrayed. "Laura, I swear, I was only trying to help. Paul needs to know; you should have told him he's the father!" Mary argued. "But Mary, he's not the father..." | he pleaded desperately, "he's the mother!" | Laura whips out her dick and begins slapping her mother, | severely burning her skin. Then came the gush of bile,
#68
one two three four five | six seven eight nine ten | eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen | sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty | nineteen eighteen seventeen four two zero | twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four twenty-five. poo
#46
Beth Potter made my father bitter. "Better?!" he said, "Why would they think Beth Potter's pots were better than my pans?" He realized then that | his pans had been acquired at the highest cost--his humanity. | He thought back to the day he had sold those poor orphan children to pirates to pay for those pans. | The memories carried with them the sweet salty taste of blood, sweat and pretzels. How he had reveled in the joy of eating each grain of salt off of the pretzel children and making them into different letters of the alphabet. | Those days were long gone, though, and Beth was no longer standing on the docks, overlooking the sea where the pirate ships floated peacefully in the foreground of an overturned sunset. No, Beth was back in a dim kitchen, speaking to
#20
"And so it comes to this," thought Smoky the Bear as he readied the flamethrower. | "I never thought I would get rid of all the yous." Hmm, you he though, why not I. He wasn't one of them, wasnt human. Affirmative action never worked right. He would never be able to put his kids through college with all the underbrush that burned. | "Oh well," Smokey sighed, putting down the flamethrower. "I guess Dr. Feldbergenstien was right that I should be taking my meds. What was I even blabbering about anyway?" But as Smokey turned to leave the forest, | He noticed a small campfire in the distance. Was that a girl scout troupe? A series of girls, in identical green outfits, were all roasting identical marshmellows. Smokey peered closer. Unfortunately for him, at that moment, the scout leader | Unfortunately for him, at that moment, the scout leader turned in the direction of Smoky the bear, clutching a shotgun underneath one of her armpits. The shotgun happened to be pointed at Smoky, not directly but in the direction of, and Smoky lunged
#5
Lila hadn't been to see her mother in years. She didn't even remember clearly the incident in the ice cream shop, since Dad had skewed even the memory with his dry, harsh, anger. | But she remembered how she felt, as if she had eaten a quadruple scoop peach-strawberry-pistachio-amaretto ice cream cone. | Lila was allergic to all those things, plus lactose intolerant. Well, that metaphor worked better in her head. Anyway, she was finally going to see her mother again. Lila hoped she could come up with something else to talk about besides ice cream. | Again she thought of her father. Memories of his screeching inarticulate noises and his wild, naked twitching made her wince. She thought again of all of the buckets of vomit she had emptied and the bags and bags of heavy dog food she had carried. | When she finally sat face to face with her mother, they couldn't speak. Her father's shadow loomed over everything. And it spoke in whispers that cut to their very souls. "ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream..."
#41
Lucy didn't know who to turn to in this kind of crisis. Should she ask Peter to the prom? I mean, really. How could Brett have rejected her this late in the game, after all that she had been through already? Lucy knew that prom | was only for high-schoolers, and that at the age of 47 she should probably be engaged in more age-appropriate activities. However, given that she was | already booked for a hair and makeup appointment at Tress Célèbre, it seemed unfair for Brett to back out now. Summoning her courage (and rage) she dialed his number and listened to his Soulja Boy ringtone until | she realized that someone getting her hair done at a place called Tress Célèbre can do better than someone with "Crank Dat" as their ringtone, even if they were pretty damn old. She spritzed on some Our Compliments No.5 and went to buy a Pimm Cup and | a bikini wax. She had been determined to know love on this night, but she realized that she didn't need Brett or Peter to give it to her. She could know love all by herself. After all wasn't that the greatest love of all?
#45
It had been several days since their last phone call and Charlotte was starting to lose confidence. | She was starting to think she really wasn't going to be married in the next year. | She could hear her biological clock, ticking away. Before long, she'd be an old hag with no husband, no children, no... wait, the phone was ringing! She scrambled for the phone and cautiously pressed it to her ear. "Hello?" she asked nervously. | "This is your biological clock calling," it said, then proceeding with the phrase, "tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock," and so on. | She then hang up, quite accepting of the totally surreal time she was having, she popped a couple more painkillers and went to bed.
#47
One of these days I'll get it to work, muttered Wolfgang under his breath. | He had been fiddling with the gears, tweaking the circuits, and running tests for years in his basement laboratory, but it never performed as he had hoped it would. | And now, with the King expecting a grand birthday present, we feared for his | cruel streak to emerge should the machine not function flawlessly. Wolfgang searched in vain around his shop for the single, critical component he knew would bring his tireless work of the last four years to fruition. Wolfgang hollered, "Franziska!" | Franziska, always cheerful, hopped in pleasantly. "What do I do?" the anguished Wolfgang cried. "Did you plug it in?" she asked.
#58
You know, when I woke up this morning, I never imagined I'd turn into a goat before lunchtime. | Usually it's some time after dinner when my fur starts growing, but oh no, not today. | Today is the Winter Solstice, and I live in North America, making the sun the farthest distance away it would be all year, leaving the moon to have the greatest influence and thus the reason for my metamorphosis. | Other people turn into dragons, wolves or Nicole Kidman. But no, I'm the one who turns into a goat. | "Oh my god! It's Stevie Nix!" Shouted Nickleback, my mortal enemies. As I sat on my haunches, I listened to their one song over and over again until I regained my human form.