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Once upon a time there was a chicken who decided that it wanted to start a new life. So it packed up its luggage and went on its merry way. Upon going to a bus-stop, it met a stranger who grinned... The chicken shouted, "Oh no, my..."

A seadog, a literal seadog, sailed his boat through the ocean, not knowing that a pirate monkey was watching him through a telescope. Like all pirates, the monkey wanted only one thing: To raid a ship. And the dog's ship was the only ship for miles.

1 day, John woke up and sed "2day I shall embark 2 Mcdonalds." So he walked out and got in his car and embarked to Mcdonalds.

It was so cold that afternoon. Too cold to go outside. | So I put on the central heating and stayed indoors. I turned on the TV. An old episode of the Twilight Zone came on. The story was about | a person stuck inside because it was too cold to go outside. | Was this story about me? I thought to myself, it looks like me. Is my life an episode of the Twilight Zone? But the person on the TV was slowly going crazy, eating almost everything in the house and throwing everything they didn't eat into the fire.

This wasn't the first time she woke up at three in the morning to the sounds of screaming and barking. | It was the second time. | She groaned, realizing that this was most likely going to be a new regular part of her day. Why did she have to get the most belligerent dog in town?

Somebody, make it stop. The twirling and the twisting and the spinning- it's agonizing- I feel lightheaded, almost as if I don't exist, and I feel sick. | This is the last time I let my boyfriend drag me to a yo-yo competition. | Next time i'm choosing our date and its going to be straight up and down from top to bottom!

I don't know where I am, and nothing worries me. I am wondering if I'm going mad or if I may be dreaming. I don't care how it ends, but I feel some sort of fire burning in my feets.. Everything seems to be out of it's place but I still fine. | The skin on the bottom of my feet bubbled against the hot pavement in the darkness. | AAAH! MY FEET ARE MELTING! I hopped around, trying to minimize the heat. Why on Earth did I only notice this now? I'm a freaking ice golem! What was I thinking, standing on a lava road? | I jump into a nearby pond and sigh in relief, but then notice I can't move my feet. AHHH! MY FEET HAVE FROZEN INTO THE POND AND THE WHOLE POND IS FROZEN!

The beast was crawling across the floor. A 22 pound, 20 inches long whirling dirvish. He could barely manage to keep his eyes open, let alone keep up with the wild creature tearing up the house. He couldn't remember how it had come to this. | He opened his phone to see 3 unread text messages. Groggily, he navigated to them. "Having a great time!" "Thanks for agreeing to babysit." "Be home late. ETA 12:30. Holding up ok?" He typed in "no" and hovered his thumb over the send button.

it was a dark and stormy night. | This may not seem abnormal to you; it may even seem cliche. But you must understand none of us had seen a storm before. Not even Morinda, who was 103 (104 next Tuesday. Though, now that there was a storm here, no one expected her to live until then.)

'Don't watch the sun go down, watch the earth come up' my mother said. | I didn't know what she meant at the time, but now it makes me smile as I board the spaceship for the last time. | I considered for a moment going home—though, I don't suppose I knew where home was anymore. So I suppose a more accurate statement would be that I considered navigating the ship to that planet where my mother had birthed me. Mars.